If you’ve ever met someone and instantly hit it off, the book Click can tell you why it happened. In this short and fascinating read, Ori and Ron Brafman state that certain factors must be present for two people to have what is called “Quickset Intimacy” (a.k.a. that magic moment when two people just click). Throughout the book, the authors use real world examples ranging from dating co-workers to mismatched scientists to bring life to the many factors necessary to establish quickset intimacy.
1. Vulnerability: When an individual opens up to another and reveals personal information about himself, he increases the other person’s perception of his trustworthiness. The Brafmans illustrate this point by telling the story of an actual hostage negotiator who successfully uses vulnerability to bring police stand-offs to a peaceful resolution.
2. Physical Proximity: Physical distance directly affects the likelihood of establishing a connection to someone else. This is desirable for building a cohesive team. You are more likely to become friends with the person sitting next to you at work than someone who works on a different floor of the same office building.
3. Resonance: “Being fully in the moment” allows you to tune into the emotional mood others around you. By being aware of others needs, you are better able to satisfy them. In doing so, you increase the likelihood of clicking with them.
4. Similarity: It’s known that we like people who are like us and the Brafmans contend the more we feel that we are like others, the more we create our own “in crowd”. It’s an us versus them mentality which influences quickset intimacy.
5. Environment: Shared experiences create a sense of community. Community is a source of similarity.
6. Certain People are Magnets: Some people have personalities that cause them to click with other people. The Brafmans document what these people do to attract others:
A. They easily adapt to the circumstances or the group.
B. They tend to match the emotional expression of who they are interacting with.
C. They are constantly aware of the impact of their actions.
D. They act as a network hub. They are the conduit through which information flows.
I really liked this book. I don’t think Click tried to be anything more than what it stated. It’s about two guys who asked the question “Why do some people click?” I came away with a better insight into human nature and the desire to come back to this post the next time I click with someone. I checked it out from the public library, but if you’re a collector of psychology, relationship or personal development books, it’s worth buying. Read it; I think you’ll enjoy it.